Weird Wonders
by Enigmatix
Summary: When Harry decides to follow his wife Ginny to visit the gynaecologist, he has no clue whatsoever that the person whom would be checking his wife up would be no other but Severus Snape...of course, that isn't the only surprise the man has in store for us!


*Before you proceed, I should warn you that this is NOT the beginning to a sequel nor will it be continued in any way. Readers' discretion advised. Do not proceed if you do not like OOC characters because when it comes to my stories, I make my characters OOC to entertain readers. Thank you *

(A year after the Battle at Hogwarts)

(Luckily for me, Snape DID survive and is quite well)

(Harry and Ginny are happily married)

'You know, I honestly thought it would have been simple. You go through the nine months and then have the baby. I don't like these checkups, Ginny.'

'Well Harry they are very important. I need them', Ginny said smiling and she massaged his right upper thigh then squeezed it. 'I know you're afraid of doctors but it's not _you_ who's going to get the checkup.'

'I'm not afraid of doctors. I just don't...er...fancy them much.'

'Big difference.'

The nurse behind the filing station lifted her head. 'Mrs. Norman you can go in now. You're next, Mrs Potter.'

'Thanks', she said watching the lady who was sitting just before her get up.

The woman seemed to be in her last month of pregnancy because she was wobbling as she went with a tight grimace on her face. All the time she was sitting waiting in the room, the glance that she threw everyone clearly said, 'you can eat shit and die for all I care.' Ginny tried hard to avoid her eyes. Harry on the other hand couldn't help but stare fixatedly at the woman just to see if she would yell at him.

'Will you wobble like that when you get into your ninth month?' Harry asked seriously as he watched Mrs Norman disappear behind the now closing white door. 'Because if you do, you'll look weird.'

'Oh shut up. Everyone waddles, I don't know. Maybe you should try carrying around a baby.'

'It can't be that hard. I mean...alright it _is_ hard', Harry said when Ginny threw him a glare.

A few minutes went by and the lady still didn't emerge from behind the doorway. Harry was getting fidgety and bored with sitting on his ass for so long. He tried shaking his feet in time to 'We will, we will, rock you', but even that didn't help. He tried tricks on Ginny like patting her on the other shoulder and then looking in the other direction but was scolded when she found out it was him.

'Let's play rock, paper, scissors', he said smiling.

'Seriously, Harry?' Ginny asked and shook her head. 'Grow up!'

'I already did, just in case you haven't noticed.'

'I'm feeling a bit edgy so go easy on making fun of me.'

'I wasn't making fun of you...Hey, want to thumb wrestle?'

'Oh honestly!" And she sighed loudly. 'Remind me why I married you.'

'Because I am sexy and am still known as the 'Chosen One'.'

'One more word..._one_ more word and I swear I'll take you by your ear and lead you out of here like a puppy. Then we'll see who's the _Chosen One_.'

'Sexy...I like it –'

And Ginny took hold of his right ear but as soon as she was about to get up, the nurse called her name.

'Mrs Potter. You can go in now.'

'Fabulous', Ginny exclaimed still gripping Harry's ear and she got up.

'Let go!' he whispered frantically.

'Say please.'

'Please let my poor ear go!'

And she did.

As they walked towards the door and Harry reached out for the handle, it turned on its own accord and the door swung inwards.

'The fuck with you!' shouted Mrs Norman. 'Fuck off! .Fuck off! Go fuck a duck!' she shouted.

'Please lady, have some manners', came a voice from within the room. 'I was just –'

'You know what you should do? Shove a fucking bomb up your ass and feel the pleasure of it explode. Then you'll know what giving birth feels like!' and she faced Ginny and Harry, red in face, nostrils flaring.

'Get out my way', she snarled with her eyes beady.

Moving aside, Harry whistled as he watched her go then followed Ginny into the room. 'If you get like that, I'll have to seriously take tablets for my nerves.'

Ginny threw a glance behind her shoulder at him and narrowed her eyes dangerously. 'Be nice. Don't freak out or ask stupid questions and for Heaven's sake, keep your cool!'

'Alright, alright!' Harry reassured and he held both hands up in the air as if surrendering to the police.

The room contained another smaller room within it with a very pretty and plump secretary behind a desk. Harry had to blink a few times before he caught himself and before Ginny caught him. The woman got up from behind the desk, revealing an extremely large bust with thick hips and a massive backside.

'This way, please', she said smiling at Harry mainly who smiled back dumbfounded.

He made sure that Ginny entered the room first and when she had gone in, he batted his eyelashes at the secretary and smiled. 'She's not _really_ my wife. She's just er...my best friend and I –'

'Harry James Potter! Get in here!' Ginny bellowed from inside and he gazed sheepishly at the secretary then practically floated into the room.

Inside contained one of those vertical leather beds that you usually would meet in the dentist's office along with trays on either side with various instruments of all sorts. Harry's eyes glazed over them and he swallowed hard. What were those things used for? He sat next to her and continued to stare at the charts around the office. One of them showed a woman giving birth, very graphical and another showed a man holding his wife's hand as she was about to deliver. The caption read 'Delivering together.'

'Uh, Ginny', he whispered, his eyes on the posters, one by one. 'I'm scared about all of this.'

'You? _You _are scared.' And she sighed. 'What about me? I'm the one who's getting the baby next four months!'

'Well you don't know what it's going to be like sitting there beside you and watching.'

'It's going to be Heaven compared to what I'll be going through, I know that for sure!' Ginny stated looking amused but crossed. 'You'll just have to hold my hand and coach me on.'

'Suppose you rip my hand off or something?'

'I'm going to have a baby and all you can think about is your bloody arm?' she asked heatedly.

'Really, Mr Potter, you are surely selfish.'

And both Ginny as well as Harry craned their necks to the back of the room to see who the doctor was.

It was Severus Snape.

Harry just stared for a full minute at the man and looked at Ginny, his eyes wide with horror.

'What the...? He's going to...?'

'Yes, Harry. He's one of my gynaecologists', Ginny said smiling when she saw his expression.

'No way!' Harry shouted springing up. 'He can't be!'

'He is.'

'I am.'

'Shut the bloody hell up!' Harry shouted at Snape then a muscle jumped in his neck lightly. 'You touched her?'

'It is my job as a gyna –'

'Since when are you a gynaecologist? From death eater to gynaecologist? Oh this is shocking! _Really_ thrilling! You are not touching her.' And Harry took hold of Ginny's arm then tried to pull her up.

'What are you doing, Harry?'

'We are leaving.'

'Get a hold of yourself!' Ginny cried pulling away her hand and glaring at him. 'In case you haven't remembered, this man had been protecting you for years!'

'Well his mission was accomplished wasn't it?'

'Might I just say that –'

'Might you just say?' Harry demanded turning around to face Snape who stood there in his white doctor robe looking as weird as ever. 'Might you _just say_? Say bloody what?' Harry asked and he was gesticulating a bit too much because he moved his head, actually swayed it, from side to side as he spoke in such a gay way that he looked like he was going entirely loony.

'Your wife has been coming here for more than three months now and it's been quite alright here. She doesn't mind.'

'Well I do', Harry said thumping a fist unto his chest. 'I do and you know what? I don't like the idea of you violating my personal space.'

'I didn't violate your personal space.'

'What are you talking about, Harry! He touched me not you!' Ginny cried frantically.

'So you admit it?' Harry said glaring at her, his eyes wild with some sort of madness that couldn't be explained. 'He touched you.'

'HE'S A GYNAECOLOGIST!' Ginny shouted and turned to Snape. 'Sorry, Snape, he's a bit under the weather at the moment. Will you excuse us for one moment.'

And she took hold of Harry's arm and pulled him towards the door.

'Let go of me!' he shouted, his eyes wavering back to Snape's figure behind him.

'Will you shut up and behave yourself!' Ginny demanded as she pulled him out the door and into a corner.

The secretary who was sitting behind her desk looked up but back down sharply when Ginny glared at her.

'Ginny, how could you!'

'How could I what?'

'How could you have Snape be your gynaecologist, Ginny?'

'What is wrong with Snape? He's trained and he's good! I have been coming here for more than three visits now and he's good!'

'But you never told me he was your doctor! What certificate does he have? The one on his left arm? Does he have a mark saying 'I am Doctor' now?'

'Oh please! Give it a rest will you! The most he does is well, run that scanner thing over my tummy to see if the baby is developing alright. Come on, keep cool, Harry. Please.'

'All he does is run the scanner? Are you sure?' Harry asked and as his eyes travelled over Ginny's shoulder, they met the secretary's and she was giving him quite a flirtatious look.

'Will you just be reasonable here? Look', and Ginny ran a hand over his hair to try to flatten it a bit but it didn't work, 'if it means this much to you, this is my second visit to him as my gynaecologist. The first time all he did was run the scanner and it was the other gynaecologist who did the prodding between my legs. It was a woman.'

'Well that's nice', Harry said as he felt his neck grow hot. The secretary was rubbing a slim finger down her neck towards the crease between her bulging breasts.

'And Snape is married after all. He wouldn't do such a thing to me just because –'

'He's married?' Harry asked, his attention wavering a bit from the nurse to Ginny.

'Yea and you're staring at his wife.' And with that, Ginny sighed loudly, watched as Harry's mouth fell open as he gazed at the nurse and then she took hold of his hand. 'Stop drooling over her. She's just an upgraded version of a hippie.'

'She's...?' and he swallowed hard as he allowed himself to be led back into the room.

'Yes.'

'Welcome back', Snape said as he glanced warily at Harry. 'Is he alright now?'

'Yes he is', and she used her arms to push Harry lightly unto the chair. He was still wide eyed. She then sat down and Snape did the same behind his desk which was directly opposite them.

'Last time you were here, we discussed –'

'That's your wife?' Harry's voice interrupted and Snape looked up to see him gazing, wide eyed.

'Beg your pardon, Mr. Potter?'

'He just found out that your wife is the secretary outside', Ginny stated and shrugged. 'He couldn't stop staring at her.'

'My, my, my Mr. Potter where does your loyalty lie?'

'Obviously yours lie in your crotch', Harry said snapping back to attention and he glared at Snape. 'What do you think you're doing by having your wife out there as your secretary...especially looking like that?'

'She wants to work out there, Mr. Potter and I –'

'She looks like a five dollar hooker!'

'That's it', Snape said springing up, 'get him out of here!'

'Harry, please control yourself!' Ginny whispered to him but when she turned away from Snape, she smiled at Harry.

'Oh I'm going', Harry said standing up and he kissed Ginny on the top of her head. 'You see unlike you, my wife doesn't have to look like that. She looks much more decent and doesn't flirt with other men. That thing out there obviously doesn't only call you her hussy. She was just making...gestures at me.'

'Oh was she?'

'Yes she was. Having me feeling tense.'

'Is that all you felt?' Snape asked smiling and Harry pointed a finger at him.

'You watch yourself! Just watch your back. I give it three weeks. She'll bring him home.'

'Bring whom home, Mr. Potter?'

'The other one.'

And before Snape could lunge for him, Harry disappeared out the door.

'What the hell do you see in him?' he asked Snape's so called wife as he went past her and she smirked.


End file.
